Log in

Reborn! but not alive. [entries|friends|calendar]

[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[13 Feb 2007|07:12am]
It's Tim's 18th birthday today.
Tomorrow is Valentine's Day (I have no valentine)
The 15th is my Dad and Conor Oberst's birthday.

If someone got me one of those I'd be the happiest camper.
3 saved _ are you ready to be saved?

just some pictures [24 Jan 2007|02:33am]
to help you through your wednesdayCollapse )
3 saved _ are you ready to be saved?

[20 Jan 2007|04:49am]
[ mood | awake ]

I'm finally updating after a long time. i decided that if i did continue to update every few days, i'd think about everything too much, and that wouldn't have helped. so now, i have come a long way, and i can start writing again.
So. The possibility of Tim and I ever acting like we know each other again, zero. i guess he doesn't even want to be friends, so all i can really do is comply. I'll get by. Brandon finally told me that he likes me, but i don't want a relationship until atleast juniour year. Part of that is because Jamie and I have decided to be single together over the summer when he comes back from college. Right now it's midterms and i think so far i've done really well on them. Now, me and my 4/20 musketeers hangout in my shmiggshack (hah.) so much changes in so little time. oh yes, and pathetic rumours floating around about me and Josh. But anyway, my life seems like it's finally on the right track, and i'm where i need to be. I'm making me happy, and that's good enough.

hmm. 5am.

1 saved _ are you ready to be saved?

so Gr8lin suggested an a-line cut: http://s11.photobucket.com/albums/a155/alinehairfiles/?start=0

and here's some other ones that i'm considering. i found all these pictures of myspace, so you'll have to be logged in to see 'em. tell me whatchu think, feel free to give suggestions.

ridiculously cute: http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=91464035&MyToken=aa2fcb7c-144f-45bd-aa0f-a0b1abfd91d8

a little different, but still nice: http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=7616190&MyToken=40e4d7fe-4fe9-4d0c-bf5c-13225041ff3b

this really pretty girl named kelly's hair: http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=2006003&MyToken=dc440108-993c-419f-addc-882248a86147

josh clancy's g/f minus the fake tan: http://viewmorepics.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewPicture&friendID=9885852&MyToken=cae3f8fb-339d-49a3-9b07-beb38b0a7ff0

if i find anymore, i'll post 'em. and i'm sort of thinking i want to maybe just clean up my cut and get my bangs done again and leave it sort of long?
2 saved _ are you ready to be saved?

[11 Dec 2006|08:38pm]
If I seem fine, than i'm a good liar.
I just want to feel normal again.
4 saved _ are you ready to be saved?

[10 Dec 2006|12:38pm]
tim's coming over my house. and when he leaves, i bet it will be over.
you know.

i can't handle this.
1 saved _ are you ready to be saved?

[25 Nov 2006|10:47am]
[ mood | productive ]

Well, right now, I'm downloading The Devil and God are Raging Inside Me! OHHHHHH, I'm so happy to have my iPod back, although the lack of music i am still having is crappy.
So, I slept over Tim's house of Thanksgiving. Nothing is more comforting to me than sleeping next to someone, especially Tim. It isn't only that I enjoy the physical aspects of our relationship, (c'mon. you guys know i fiend it) but because I have never felt so safe or loved or euphoric. Nothing can compete with his arms around my waist, body next to body for hours. Needless to say, we stayed in bed until about noon. That's what I'm thankful for.
This morning I'm feeling productive. Up at 6, cleaned Dinny's cage, did laundry, changed my bed sheets, downloading and uploading music. My mom is home today, so you can guess that I'm trying to leave as fast as possible. She's going to see some TransSiberian Orchestra shit tonight, and I have no idea what I'll be doing. Uck. and my left earring hole is infected again. Not like bad infected. More like the infected where it will just annoy me for a week.

I don't want vacation to end.

are you ready to be saved?

HAPPY THXGIVING! [23 Nov 2006|08:02am]
[ mood | thankful ]

My vacation has been pretty good. I just got my iPod back and it actually works! I have almost no music so if you happen to own any CDs you'll let me borrow, or you know a way of getting music for free, comment this shit. Otherwise, i have to wait until December 20th when Nick comes home. And speaking of music, The 3rd Brand New album came out, The Devil and God are Raging Inside of Me. I listened to the songs but not in entirety. It's definately very different from their old stuff, but that's what you have to expect as people grow , mature, and experience more. I am willing to give it a chance because i never want Brand New to make a bad album.
So I have already had my Thnksgvng dinners, 2 to be exact, neither with my own family. Once at Tim's Mom's before she left for Texas and yesterday at Tim's Dad's. My mom is working today, my brother rarely comes home, and my not-immediate family... I have no clue. I guess I'm just not a family person? Being around family has always been really awkward for me. That's probably why I don't want kids, other than the fact that they'd waste a good 18 years of my life and cause such stress, as well as a decrease in my bank account. Plus, someone needs to put an end to my family tree.
AND THREADLESS IS HAVING A 10$ SALE, girly small -hinthint-.
Urban Camouflage
In Case of Zombies
The Fashion of Terror
Prepare for Fight
and I've been adoring this one: Tastes Like Happy 24$

It has been so rainy lately. I can't wait until it's just a little bit colder though, so that rain will turn to snow. Now tell me; What are you thankful for?

3 saved _ are you ready to be saved?

[22 Nov 2006|02:06pm]

(The 4th dork is my brother. I fucking love him.)
I can tell that Mr. Harten obviously had an impact on Nick.
are you ready to be saved?

[21 Nov 2006|09:54am]
Audra Malaguti November 20, 2006
Period 7 Occasional Piece

What makes my simple task of choosing an outfit to wear a rigorous, twenty-minute process in the morning? Every time you see me, I am probably in the fifth, sixth ensemble I have worn that day. I considered that maybe my fashion sense was still asleep at 6:30am, so I decided to pick my outfits the night before. By morning, no matter how perfectly each shade and pigment had matched, I was confronted by a lack-luster pile of fabric. No matter how incredible a color scheme I had created, the outfit was unfit to wear.
The only thing I have ever found more puzzling than my inability to choose something to wear was why these clothes could not be worn. I am not much into pants; I actually own only a few pairs. I really adore shirts, blouses, sweaters, hoodies, and coats though. I love all of my shirts in their own way, for instance my dark brown v-neck, spotted with golden stars. This shirt came my way by luck; my mom happened to be returning some gaudy gifts received from an old friend. She saw the comfortable brown tee and called me to ask if I thought I would want it. “Yes,” was the answer that rang into the receiver. I wore it to a party, where beer was spilled near the bottom. Driving in the car, a stray ember burned a circle in the front.
Now, the charred hole is covered by an attempt to make a gold star out of tan thread. I love how much character my brown shirt has, but some days I just can’t wear it! Do I subconsciously dress according to mood? Do I wear skirts when I want to feel better, or the color grey when I’m happy? I am sure weather has a role in my choice of apparel because when it rains I will wear my short length pants rather than medium length, so they won’t get as wet around the bottom. Other than that, most days I am left clueless as to what I will walk out of my house wearing.
Many of my mornings have become experiments, rather than the usual morning get-up. I have tried choosing my outfits before I get in the shower, but I always decide that what I had previously picked just isn’t good enough. I have asked someone else to choose what I will wear, but I do not have a strong enough will to keep myself from this compulsion. The only thing I can do is wake up before the vanilla sky is visible through the slits of my window and hope I have enough time. Some people may never be able to comprehend this problem of mine, but they have to understand that even I do not know the method behind my madness.
1 saved _ are you ready to be saved?

[11 Nov 2006|08:06pm]
[ mood | sad ]

Last night I was with Lauwen Lauren and Colin, but the whole time i felt awful. I went to bed crying last night; I woke up and did the same thing. I took my pills and thought about someone who probably hasn't thought about me in 2 days, but hasn't been off my mind since january. Against my own rules, i called and left a message saying i was wondering if he was o.k, but i didn't expect he'd pick up in the first place. I got back into bed. I didn't plan on leaving that spot until monday morning. Of course, i couldn't sleep as usual, but under the covers i remained...
Until about 10:30am when my mom took me from my bed like a fragile plant plucked from the soil. She told me we were going to Meriden to get my iPod fixed and to visit Holly and my dad. I cried in the shower, did some laundry, and was force-fed eggs. We left: 45 minutes and 2 sudokus later we're at the mall. 30 minutes later: we left with my iPod in the hands of Best Buy's Geek Squad and a bag full of hair products in tow. I went to see my dad who I haven't seen since 3/27. It was hard to handle on top of all the stuff i'm going through right now. I saw holly, and we watched Big Daddy. I miss her so much that's it's almost painful when i see her, cause i know i'll just have to leave again. When my mom came to get me, Holly's mom told her that I do drugs, so i'm going to be in loads of trouble tomorrow.
I got home around 5:45pm and my mom left again to go back to Aldo's, where she always is. I called you-know-who again because i was about to go insane. We talked for a bit and i swear his voice saved me, the happiest i've been in days, and just as quickly as it started, it ended. Then, i was more upset than i have ever been. I cried, but this time i shook violently and fell to the floor, screaming louder than i knew possible. Now my throat is sore and my head is throbbing and my eyes are puffy.

Someone save me.

3 saved _ are you ready to be saved?

Another break. [09 Nov 2006|04:54pm]
[ mood | crushed ]

(15:19:32) lll O4S1S lll: audra
(15:19:40) lll O4S1S lll: we need to talk
(15:20:24) wearebarebones: hey. what's up?
(15:24:13) lll O4S1S lll: how do u feel aobut our relationship?
(15:25:01) wearebarebones: i love it. and i'm usually and generally very happy with it. i have fun with you more thna i have fun with anyone else, so it's great to be aroudn you, but i don't always have to be aroudn you and i'm trying to work on that.
(15:25:15) wearebarebones: and i love you.
(15:26:11) wearebarebones: why? this entire conversation scares the shit out of me
(15:26:59) lll O4S1S lll: b/c audra i feel like im drifting away from you
(15:27:11) wearebarebones: oh fuck. why?
(15:27:55) lll O4S1S lll: i just feel like we dont have the connection we used to have
(15:28:42) wearebarebones: why though? i don't feel closer to anyone than you. i mean, we always ahve fun, when we're together it's generally harmonious
(15:29:47) wearebarebones: i was saying that tomorrow i migth be doign soemthign caus ei thought you might like some space. you migth just want to be with the guys.
(15:31:02) lll O4S1S lll: thats fine i dont care about that but ive just been getting irritated by you but that might be from hanging out so much
(15:31:25) wearebarebones: exactly why i was goign to give you space. i realized you needed it
(15:32:11) wearebarebones: but the last thign i'd want rigth now would be for us to break up. it would be really sudden, soemthign i just wouldn't expect at all. not sayign that you're goign to. but it's the cardinal rule that when soemoen says "we need to talk" that's what it means.
(15:33:09) lll O4S1S lll: yeah i knew youd be worried
(15:33:24) lll O4S1S lll: but right now i think its best that we go on a break for a while
(15:34:08) wearebarebones: are you sure that we'll get back together? i'm just wondering, because last time everyone killed me sayign that we wouldn't
(15:34:50) lll O4S1S lll: i dont know audra. i need time to think
(15:35:20) wearebarebones: alright. i understand. so, you won't be driving me to school and i won't be sitting with you, i suppose?
(15:36:12) lll O4S1S lll: yeah. im sorry but its just wat i feel
(15:37:08) wearebarebones: it's alright. i can just hope for the best, i guess.
(15:37:37) lll O4S1S lll: audra wat do u like so much about me, im not that good a oerson
(15:39:30) wearebarebones: yes. you really are. and that's one thign i like about you. you're humble. you aren't a jerk for no reason, and you make em happier than i have ever been. i know you love me unconditionally even if you don't say it. i love ur sex and our car rides and the time we spend together. i liek the way your family makes me feel, and i love who you're growing to be.
(15:40:03) wearebarebones: i feel like i couldn't blame you for wanting to go on break because you're wonderful.
(15:42:31) wearebarebones: and although sometimes i get scared by your bad moods or i get angry with you because i'm dumb, you're the first person i'd go to whther my dad died or i just needed soem help.
(15:43:00) lll O4S1S lll: audra your to nice
(15:43:13) wearebarebones: no way. i'm just being all mushy right now. cause sometimes i don't tell you what i really feel because i don't know, and i think now would be a good time if any, cause who knows whther at soem point in the future i'll get to tell you again.
(15:45:50) wearebarebones: my mom says that if you love soemthign, let it go, and if it comes back to you, it's yours, and if it doesn';t, it never was.
(15:47:40) wearebarebones: that's what i thought of the last tiem we went on break, and i'll think like that again
(15:48:37) wearebarebones: would you mind saying something?
(15:48:57) lll O4S1S lll: sry im bad at this
(15:49:12) wearebarebones: it's alright, i know that.
(15:49:21) wearebarebones: but you really can't be much more worried than me
(15:49:48) lll O4S1S lll: y?
(15:50:31) wearebarebones: you've got all the control right here, atleast. you could drop em any second you like, you could very well dump me rather than be logical and go on a break. i can't do anything. just wait and hope. but that's what relationships are about, being vulnerable.
(15:51:54) lll O4S1S lll: you sound so mature right now
(15:52:27) wearebarebones: i know. cause when i think about it, losing you is the last thign i want. see, all this stuff i know, all the time, but soemtimes i'm just afraid you wouldn't understand if i said it. i wasn't liek this with ray. i was so immature abotu all of it.
(15:53:21) wearebarebones: i really care.
(15:54:11) wearebarebones: more than anything. so it's important that i stay calm and positive and logical because otherwise why would you want to be with me?
(15:54:51) wearebarebones: sometimes i wonder why you like me and what you see in me.
(15:57:42) lll O4S1S lll logged out.
(15:58:46) lll O4S1S lll logged in.
(16:00:27) wearebarebones: if there's anything you'd like to tell me, feel free.
(16:00:33) lll O4S1S lll: my internet is sucking
(16:00:34) lll O4S1S lll: yeah
(16:00:49) lll O4S1S lll: the reason y i havent been saying, i lovr you was b/c i dont feel a connection like i used to
(16:01:32) wearebarebones: yeah, i knew you were feelign soemthign different
(16:01:55) wearebarebones: i just sort of didn't want to accept it, it's hard.
(16:03:02) wearebarebones: i just wish you could tell me this to my face. or at least over the phone.
(16:03:46) lll O4S1S lll logged out.
(16:03:59) lll O4S1S lll logged in.
(16:04:01) lll O4S1S lll: god dammit
(16:04:18) wearebarebones: yeah, your internet is suckign more than a french whore ona busy saturday night
(16:04:57) lll O4S1S lll: lawl
(16:06:20) wearebarebones: and i'm sorry if soemtimes it seems liek i care about other guys more than you because i get jealous whenever you talk about how hot other girls are, which i've also been workign on gettign past.
(16:07:30) lll O4S1S lll: audra honestly i wouldnt give a shit if you said anything about a guy in front of me
(16:08:11) wearebarebones: i know, but in my opinion no other guy really ever compares to you. so i just can't do it.
(16:08:36) wearebarebones: same as i could never cheat on you. and i could never lie to you.
(16:08:43) lll O4S1S lll: im not that good lookning audra
(16:09:12) wearebarebones: it isn't that, even though i really do think you are ridiculously handsome
(16:09:46) wearebarebones: it's just that no one else is you, and that's who i love. so i don't need to marvel abotu how hot some other person is.
(16:14:14) wearebarebones: the last time the whole break things happened it only lasted a week, and i didn't think about another guy, and i didn't accept that all of ym "freinds" told em to accept that we were over. and it worked out and i hoped it would never happen again.
(16:14:23) lll O4S1S lll: im sorry if ive hurt u at all
(16:14:23) lll O4S1S lll: but i cant help the way i feel
(16:15:32) wearebarebones: no. it's alright. i mean, yeah, i'm hurt, no one wouldn't be. i really just hope that it ends the same way it did last time.
(16:16:44) lll O4S1S lll: ?
(16:17:02) wearebarebones: we got back together.
(16:17:16) lll O4S1S lll: wat would u do if it didnt?
(16:17:28) wearebarebones: i honestly don't know.
(16:17:41) wearebarebones: i woudl probably want to be absent from school for a really logn time
(16:17:50) lll O4S1S lll: y?
(16:18:17) lll O4S1S lll: if we did i still would want to be friends and not have it be awkard
(16:18:23) wearebarebones: i wouldn't want to wake up. i wouldn't ever feel the same. this is the happiest i've ever been
(16:19:49) wearebarebones: i lost my virginity to you, and though that may not be a big deal for you beign a guy, but it is for me. and you make me feel safer and happier than...anything?
(16:20:35) wearebarebones: i'd probably have to go see Dena a lot more than i do now.
(16:21:25) lll O4S1S lll logged out.
(16:23:00) lll O4S1S lll logged in.
(16:24:13) wearebarebones: i'm just scared.
(16:32:27) lll O4S1S lll: dont be scard
(16:33:34) wearebarebones: so, about the whole break thing, what does it entail to?
(16:34:26) lll O4S1S lll: its for me to decide whether or not i still want to be with u
(16:35:40) wearebarebones: i know. but i was just havign an insane moment and thinkign about how all ym other friends have been put on breaks and then their b/f will make out with another girl and whther they get back together or not he says that it doesn't count as cheating. but i really doubt you'd do that.
(16:36:30) lll O4S1S lll: no i would never do that
(16:36:40) wearebarebones: i know. as i said, an insane moment.
(16:37:05) lll O4S1S lll: but audra if we did break up i dont want u to be upset
(16:38:20) lll O4S1S lll: i jsut want u to look at it as u met someone and he wasnt the one for u but u can still be friends with him and u dont have to be upset about it
(16:38:29) wearebarebones: it would be impossible to not be crushed by that let alone upset, but i won't show it in front of you, becasuse i know you hate it when i'm sad.
(16:38:45) wearebarebones: and yes, eventually i'm sure i'd get over it.
(16:38:49) wearebarebones: it'd just be so tough
(16:39:13) wearebarebones: . and i don't even want to think of it happening. bnut i can't deny the fact that it could.
(16:40:06) wearebarebones: just promise me one thing.
(16:40:28) wearebarebones: if you break up with me, do it to my face.
(16:40:41) lll O4S1S lll: ok i promise
(16:40:44) lll O4S1S lll: but y?
(16:41:36) wearebarebones: it'd probably be a lot easier to accept, i wouldn't be able to read it over and over again, and then atleast you'd knwo what you were doing and you'd be sure.
(16:42:58) wearebarebones: as much as i want us to stay together, i'd hope that if you honestly didn't love me anymore, you'd cut it off.
(16:43:24) lll O4S1S lll: thats y i need to break
(16:43:31) wearebarebones: i know.
(16:45:36) wearebarebones: and i guess i know you still love me, even if it isn't as strong as it was before, so i have faith that you'll miss me. and that you'll realize why you love/d me again.
(16:46:32) wearebarebones: i'm hoping it's just that we spend too much tiem together and we need the space. but you take all the time you need to figure it all out. i'll be waiting.
(16:47:19) lll O4S1S lll: ok
(16:47:30) lll O4S1S lll: well im gonna go
(16:47:35) wearebarebones: alright.
(16:47:56) lll O4S1S lll: ill see u in school tomorow
(16:48:02) wearebarebones: yeah you will.
(16:48:11) lll O4S1S lll: bye
(16:48:17) wearebarebones: bye.
(16:48:19) lll O4S1S lll logged out.

10 saved _ are you ready to be saved?

So I called up danger, my friends and some strangers... [29 Oct 2006|12:49pm]
[ mood | They stumbled and wavered... ]

I was too lazy to update my LJ all week.
This week went by SO fast, as well as October in its' entirety. I cannot believe that it's the 29th. The end of the trimester is coming soon, and before I know it, it will be Thanksgiving vacation and then Christmas. Tuesday will be Halloween, but who knows what I'll be doing. I really want to go trick-or-treating and take advantage of still being young, but I don't have a costume. Maybe i'll get one by then, or maybe I'll just buy myself some candy and hang with Tim and Ryan all night.
Things with Tim and I are fantastic. Of anything in my life, he feels closest to home. I don't care where we are or what we're doing, as long as we're together. I feel like i'm not whole without him; he is my other half. My life will never be the same as it would've been if I hadn't met him. The changes I've made, the growth i've done, the young woman i've become. Basically, I can't imagine Tim not being in my future. We have so much planned out for the next few months. December, we go to see Brand New and Dashboard in Lowell, MA. Over February vacation, Tim's family is thinking about going to the Bahamas so I'm most likely going, as well as during April vacation when we'll probably go back to Texas.

Enough about the future. Here's what's been going on all week:
School, hanging out with Tim and Ryan, finding out my mom's boyfriend has cancer in his brain, started reading Lord of the Flies, carved a Halloween pumpkin, had about a billion tests and quizzes, got a musictone for when my mom calls called "If You Talk too Much (My Head Will Explode), and wasted a ton of time doing sudokus.

Now enough of this.
4 saved _ are you ready to be saved?

[23 Oct 2006|07:56am]

HAHAHAHA! That's a good monday morning laugh.
3 saved _ are you ready to be saved?

Forthamth ic hine of waetere genam [14 Oct 2006|10:56am]
[ mood | don't go through with it ]

it's saturday morning and i just realized i haven't updated my LJ in a long time. a REAL long time. I haven't been on the computer much, lately. I think that i grew out of my computer phase, if you know what i mean. I just don't have as much to do here; i have more things to do in the real world. it's good to know, but i really guess i should still make time for this sort of thing. so hereee we goooooo!
Well, i got my progress report for the first trimester. three A's, some B's, and only one C, halleluhjah. And it's full fledged Fall, now! lots of different coloured leaves, it's nippy out, and Halloween is just around the corner. I don't know what i plan on doing for Halloween, but I know i'll end up doing something. And following the code of teenage girls, i guess that this year i should probably start wearing a costume slightly more provacative. But who knows.
Tim has SATs to take this morning for 3 hours, so i'll most likely have nothing to do until... maybe 1pm? hit up my cellular if you're in the area. AND THAT REMINDS ME! i finally bought some ring tones: Chasing Cars, Title and Registration, Santeria, Say yes, and Autumn Sweater. and Tim and i are going to see Brand New and Dashboard Confessional on December 9th in Lowell, MA. I'm so excited.
And my mum is supposed to go to Europe for 3 weeks to tons of places, without me, AS USUAL. but she may not go because her boyfriend Aldo was supposed to go as well, but he just got hit in the eye and they're not sure if the doctors will allow him to go in a plane cause of the pressure and all. But, if she does go, i'll be staying with Ned for a week starting next sunday, i think, and then i'll leave his house and stay at Tim's for 2 weeks. and speaking of Tim, things are going great; i love him, he loves me. there's no better way to sum it up. This is the happiest i have ever been in my life, a very big statement on my part.

I'm a beliver, I'm solid matter.

8 saved _ are you ready to be saved?

PAJAMA DAY!!!!! [02 Oct 2006|07:41am]
[ mood | giddy ]

it's spirit week. and it's monday, and i'm lounging in my PJs in first period CGD. josh briggs to my right, an empty seat to my left, followed by Dakota beat boxing. in his pajamas, none-the-less. this day is goign to be interesting.
i like singing "Everything Evil" a whole heck of a lot. i was singing it in the shower this morning and it was nice cause Claudio has a pretty high voice for a guy. I made a really sweet picture of all my guy friends and i called"THE CREW," a few days ago, and i made it look a lot nicer. maybe soemtime i can convert it from freehand10 to here as an image?
and lastly, i need to get a haircut. it's awfully long for me right now, but i always hate getting it cut cause i'm afraid it might come out weird. and my hair's growing in so blonde, which i'm not really enjoying. hopefully autumn will make it all turn brown.


1 saved _ are you ready to be saved?

[16 Sep 2006|03:21pm]

2 saved _ are you ready to be saved?

Jesus may have died for your sins, but i fight for your life. [02 Sep 2006|11:48am]
[ mood | a stormy day in Cold Saybrook ]

so, i haven't been able to update my LJ in quite sometime because at the end of the summer my mum left for Cape Cod, so i went to New York with Tim to visit his cousins, and then i stayed at Tim's house until the second day of school. now i'm home, and i've got some time. so school has started and i'm sort of enjoying it for the most part, right now. as long as i do my work everything will be fine, i'm hoping. i am just having a hard time adjusting to going to school again and waking up early and not being able to stay out late. but atleast my classes are good and reasonable so far, and i'm not having any real difficulty.
in other news, things with Tim and I are going famously. he is my one and only, and he means more to me than anything i have ever known. yesterday, he just looked at me and said, "You make me so happy." i don't think any 5 words have ever meant so much.

and speaking of Tim, i found some interesting information out yesterday. Tim checked his myspace because he hasn't been on in months, and he showed me a message that he received in July. The person who sent it obviously made the account for the soul purpose of sending the message. with the account name "bob," this person made two screenshots of my June 18th livejournal entry in which i joked around about my friend kevin and i while tim and i were on break. the person ended the message saying "i'm sorry you had to find out what a back stabbing liar she is this way."
of course, tim could immediately tell that what i had a written was a joke, as any logical understanding person would. i was relived that there were no problems between him and i over it, but i was upset over who would do such a thing. it's just fucked up that anyone who considers themself my friend would share a friends only LJ post of mine with someone who they barely know in a situation they have nothing to do with.
if you know me well enough, you know i don't give up easily or just let things go, so i was out for blood. i payed attention to the details (uses mozilla firefox, can take screenshots, is an LJ friend of mine, is a female, etc.) and i figured out who they were. if you had just admitted to doing it i would've respected you a lot more, but now not only do i know what you are capable of, i also know that you can't be trusted. that was possibly the most childish, cowardly, and cruel thing anyone could ever do. you can deny what you did all you want, but it will never change my mind because now i know that you're the real back-stabbing liar.

your attempt to cause drama has only brought us closer. no one can change that. ♥

13 saved _ are you ready to be saved?

Did you come here to dance? What's in your glass? Do you feel better? [14 Aug 2006|12:12pm]
[ mood | Cruise-control distressed ]

So i've given my livejournal a sort-of new look. new comment titles (i couldn't think of anything good) and the background is grey now. so there we go!
other than that, not much has been happening. yesterday i had many interesting conversations involving political science and how "rock is for fighting, rap is for killing." i am going to start taking an ADD medication soon called Concerta too, which will most likely suck. oh yeah, and i'm going to New York tomorrow to visit my brother. Otherwise, i'm just bored. Bored with life, bored with today, bored with myself. i'm getting very sad too, dealing with the seasons changing and summer ending and many internal things that cannot be fixed. i think way too far ahead for my own good, and i always end up worried over the future. and speaking of the future, here's my schedule for the first and second half of school:

1. Computer Graphic Design (Mort)
2. World History (Mr. St. Germain)
3. Study Hall (Ms. Roarick)
4. Geometry (Ms. Valletta)
5. Biology (Mr. Beardman)
6. P.E. mon, tues, thurs.(Ms. Westner) Bio Lab wed, fri. (Mr.Beardman)
7. English 2 H (Mr. Harten)
8. French 3 (Madame Koif)

1. Study Hall (Ms. Rice)
2. World History (Mr. St. Germain)
3. Drawing (Mort)
4. Geometry (Ms. Valletta)
5. Biology (Mr. Beardman)
6. P.E. tues, thurs.(Ms. Westner) Bio Lab mon, wed, fri. (Mr.Beardman)
7. English 2 H (Mr. Harten)
8. French 3 (Madame Koif)

Ta-Da! with my luck, none of my friends are going to be in my classes. ♥

6 saved _ are you ready to be saved?

[11 Aug 2006|10:53am]
[ mood | secondary ]

not too much is going on in my life. yesterday i went school shopping and got lots of clothes, whhich obviously made me very happy. I went to Delias, Kohls, and Forever 21. i went to the mall a few days ago with Sammy, too, and we went to Charlotte Russe and got cool stuff. when i think about my addiction to clothes, it seems silly because they're just clothes. all i'm going to do is wear them for a while and then toss them aside and get new ones. None the less, my goal in life is to have the greatest collection of clothes EVER before i die. not too much to ask, right?
other than that, i'm just waiting my days out slowly, dreading the day that school starts again. that will be the day that starts what i have been afraid of for months. i wonder how this will all end.

and now my heart hurts.

3 saved _ are you ready to be saved?

[ viewing | most recent entries ]
[ go | earlier ]