Audorable (snookite) wrote,

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Another break.

(15:19:32) lll O4S1S lll: audra
(15:19:40) lll O4S1S lll: we need to talk
(15:20:24) wearebarebones: hey. what's up?
(15:24:13) lll O4S1S lll: how do u feel aobut our relationship?
(15:25:01) wearebarebones: i love it. and i'm usually and generally very happy with it. i have fun with you more thna i have fun with anyone else, so it's great to be aroudn you, but i don't always have to be aroudn you and i'm trying to work on that.
(15:25:15) wearebarebones: and i love you.
(15:26:11) wearebarebones: why? this entire conversation scares the shit out of me
(15:26:59) lll O4S1S lll: b/c audra i feel like im drifting away from you
(15:27:11) wearebarebones: oh fuck. why?
(15:27:55) lll O4S1S lll: i just feel like we dont have the connection we used to have
(15:28:42) wearebarebones: why though? i don't feel closer to anyone than you. i mean, we always ahve fun, when we're together it's generally harmonious
(15:29:47) wearebarebones: i was saying that tomorrow i migth be doign soemthign caus ei thought you might like some space. you migth just want to be with the guys.
(15:31:02) lll O4S1S lll: thats fine i dont care about that but ive just been getting irritated by you but that might be from hanging out so much
(15:31:25) wearebarebones: exactly why i was goign to give you space. i realized you needed it
(15:32:11) wearebarebones: but the last thign i'd want rigth now would be for us to break up. it would be really sudden, soemthign i just wouldn't expect at all. not sayign that you're goign to. but it's the cardinal rule that when soemoen says "we need to talk" that's what it means.
(15:33:09) lll O4S1S lll: yeah i knew youd be worried
(15:33:24) lll O4S1S lll: but right now i think its best that we go on a break for a while
(15:34:08) wearebarebones: are you sure that we'll get back together? i'm just wondering, because last time everyone killed me sayign that we wouldn't
(15:34:50) lll O4S1S lll: i dont know audra. i need time to think
(15:35:20) wearebarebones: alright. i understand. so, you won't be driving me to school and i won't be sitting with you, i suppose?
(15:36:12) lll O4S1S lll: yeah. im sorry but its just wat i feel
(15:37:08) wearebarebones: it's alright. i can just hope for the best, i guess.
(15:37:37) lll O4S1S lll: audra wat do u like so much about me, im not that good a oerson
(15:39:30) wearebarebones: yes. you really are. and that's one thign i like about you. you're humble. you aren't a jerk for no reason, and you make em happier than i have ever been. i know you love me unconditionally even if you don't say it. i love ur sex and our car rides and the time we spend together. i liek the way your family makes me feel, and i love who you're growing to be.
(15:40:03) wearebarebones: i feel like i couldn't blame you for wanting to go on break because you're wonderful.
(15:42:31) wearebarebones: and although sometimes i get scared by your bad moods or i get angry with you because i'm dumb, you're the first person i'd go to whther my dad died or i just needed soem help.
(15:43:00) lll O4S1S lll: audra your to nice
(15:43:13) wearebarebones: no way. i'm just being all mushy right now. cause sometimes i don't tell you what i really feel because i don't know, and i think now would be a good time if any, cause who knows whther at soem point in the future i'll get to tell you again.
(15:45:50) wearebarebones: my mom says that if you love soemthign, let it go, and if it comes back to you, it's yours, and if it doesn';t, it never was.
(15:47:40) wearebarebones: that's what i thought of the last tiem we went on break, and i'll think like that again
(15:48:37) wearebarebones: would you mind saying something?
(15:48:57) lll O4S1S lll: sry im bad at this
(15:49:12) wearebarebones: it's alright, i know that.
(15:49:21) wearebarebones: but you really can't be much more worried than me
(15:49:48) lll O4S1S lll: y?
(15:50:31) wearebarebones: you've got all the control right here, atleast. you could drop em any second you like, you could very well dump me rather than be logical and go on a break. i can't do anything. just wait and hope. but that's what relationships are about, being vulnerable.
(15:51:54) lll O4S1S lll: you sound so mature right now
(15:52:27) wearebarebones: i know. cause when i think about it, losing you is the last thign i want. see, all this stuff i know, all the time, but soemtimes i'm just afraid you wouldn't understand if i said it. i wasn't liek this with ray. i was so immature abotu all of it.
(15:53:21) wearebarebones: i really care.
(15:54:11) wearebarebones: more than anything. so it's important that i stay calm and positive and logical because otherwise why would you want to be with me?
(15:54:51) wearebarebones: sometimes i wonder why you like me and what you see in me.
(15:57:42) lll O4S1S lll logged out.
(15:58:46) lll O4S1S lll logged in.
(16:00:27) wearebarebones: if there's anything you'd like to tell me, feel free.
(16:00:33) lll O4S1S lll: my internet is sucking
(16:00:34) lll O4S1S lll: yeah
(16:00:49) lll O4S1S lll: the reason y i havent been saying, i lovr you was b/c i dont feel a connection like i used to
(16:01:32) wearebarebones: yeah, i knew you were feelign soemthign different
(16:01:55) wearebarebones: i just sort of didn't want to accept it, it's hard.
(16:03:02) wearebarebones: i just wish you could tell me this to my face. or at least over the phone.
(16:03:46) lll O4S1S lll logged out.
(16:03:59) lll O4S1S lll logged in.
(16:04:01) lll O4S1S lll: god dammit
(16:04:18) wearebarebones: yeah, your internet is suckign more than a french whore ona busy saturday night
(16:04:57) lll O4S1S lll: lawl
(16:06:20) wearebarebones: and i'm sorry if soemtimes it seems liek i care about other guys more than you because i get jealous whenever you talk about how hot other girls are, which i've also been workign on gettign past.
(16:07:30) lll O4S1S lll: audra honestly i wouldnt give a shit if you said anything about a guy in front of me
(16:08:11) wearebarebones: i know, but in my opinion no other guy really ever compares to you. so i just can't do it.
(16:08:36) wearebarebones: same as i could never cheat on you. and i could never lie to you.
(16:08:43) lll O4S1S lll: im not that good lookning audra
(16:09:12) wearebarebones: it isn't that, even though i really do think you are ridiculously handsome
(16:09:46) wearebarebones: it's just that no one else is you, and that's who i love. so i don't need to marvel abotu how hot some other person is.
(16:14:14) wearebarebones: the last time the whole break things happened it only lasted a week, and i didn't think about another guy, and i didn't accept that all of ym "freinds" told em to accept that we were over. and it worked out and i hoped it would never happen again.
(16:14:23) lll O4S1S lll: im sorry if ive hurt u at all
(16:14:23) lll O4S1S lll: but i cant help the way i feel
(16:15:32) wearebarebones: no. it's alright. i mean, yeah, i'm hurt, no one wouldn't be. i really just hope that it ends the same way it did last time.
(16:16:44) lll O4S1S lll: ?
(16:17:02) wearebarebones: we got back together.
(16:17:16) lll O4S1S lll: wat would u do if it didnt?
(16:17:28) wearebarebones: i honestly don't know.
(16:17:41) wearebarebones: i woudl probably want to be absent from school for a really logn time
(16:17:50) lll O4S1S lll: y?
(16:18:17) lll O4S1S lll: if we did i still would want to be friends and not have it be awkard
(16:18:23) wearebarebones: i wouldn't want to wake up. i wouldn't ever feel the same. this is the happiest i've ever been
(16:19:49) wearebarebones: i lost my virginity to you, and though that may not be a big deal for you beign a guy, but it is for me. and you make me feel safer and happier than...anything?
(16:20:35) wearebarebones: i'd probably have to go see Dena a lot more than i do now.
(16:21:25) lll O4S1S lll logged out.
(16:23:00) lll O4S1S lll logged in.
(16:24:13) wearebarebones: i'm just scared.
(16:32:27) lll O4S1S lll: dont be scard
(16:33:34) wearebarebones: so, about the whole break thing, what does it entail to?
(16:34:26) lll O4S1S lll: its for me to decide whether or not i still want to be with u
(16:35:40) wearebarebones: i know. but i was just havign an insane moment and thinkign about how all ym other friends have been put on breaks and then their b/f will make out with another girl and whther they get back together or not he says that it doesn't count as cheating. but i really doubt you'd do that.
(16:36:30) lll O4S1S lll: no i would never do that
(16:36:40) wearebarebones: i know. as i said, an insane moment.
(16:37:05) lll O4S1S lll: but audra if we did break up i dont want u to be upset
(16:38:20) lll O4S1S lll: i jsut want u to look at it as u met someone and he wasnt the one for u but u can still be friends with him and u dont have to be upset about it
(16:38:29) wearebarebones: it would be impossible to not be crushed by that let alone upset, but i won't show it in front of you, becasuse i know you hate it when i'm sad.
(16:38:45) wearebarebones: and yes, eventually i'm sure i'd get over it.
(16:38:49) wearebarebones: it'd just be so tough
(16:39:13) wearebarebones: . and i don't even want to think of it happening. bnut i can't deny the fact that it could.
(16:40:06) wearebarebones: just promise me one thing.
(16:40:28) wearebarebones: if you break up with me, do it to my face.
(16:40:41) lll O4S1S lll: ok i promise
(16:40:44) lll O4S1S lll: but y?
(16:41:36) wearebarebones: it'd probably be a lot easier to accept, i wouldn't be able to read it over and over again, and then atleast you'd knwo what you were doing and you'd be sure.
(16:42:58) wearebarebones: as much as i want us to stay together, i'd hope that if you honestly didn't love me anymore, you'd cut it off.
(16:43:24) lll O4S1S lll: thats y i need to break
(16:43:31) wearebarebones: i know.
(16:45:36) wearebarebones: and i guess i know you still love me, even if it isn't as strong as it was before, so i have faith that you'll miss me. and that you'll realize why you love/d me again.
(16:46:32) wearebarebones: i'm hoping it's just that we spend too much tiem together and we need the space. but you take all the time you need to figure it all out. i'll be waiting.
(16:47:19) lll O4S1S lll: ok
(16:47:30) lll O4S1S lll: well im gonna go
(16:47:35) wearebarebones: alright.
(16:47:56) lll O4S1S lll: ill see u in school tomorow
(16:48:02) wearebarebones: yeah you will.
(16:48:11) lll O4S1S lll: bye
(16:48:17) wearebarebones: bye.
(16:48:19) lll O4S1S lll logged out.
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Well at least you can laugh at his screen name and lack of typing out words.

Do you want me to bring you to school?
i would love for you to bring me to school. thanks for always being there for me, and i'm sorry i didn't pick up your call but i'm not in much of a mood to talk to anyone.<3
No problem :)
Be ready at 7... and it's okay.

oh wait, nevermind on the ride part. josh briggs just showed up at my house with some tylenol for my headache that came from crying, and he offered me a ride tomorrow as well.
not that i neccisarilly want a ride from him more, but he definately put forth so much effort into tryign to cheer me up that i couldn't say no. I still love you though. just in a different way.
sort of like how i love pancakes.
ah. okay. that works.
I'm calling you right
I got your message, but as previously said, i just don't feel like conversing right now.
I'll definately talk to you, though. you're one of the best listeners i know. And as for how i'm holding up, not as good as i appear.
:[ Oh , Audwaaaaaaaaa!
call me as soon as you feel okay to converse then
I'll make it better
I promise I'll try my hardest

babe be strong, you know what your mom says is very correct, i'm here if you need to talk <3
Wowwww. Bless up for real. You said it yourself - if it comes back, it was meant to be, if it doesn't, it wasn't anything to begin with

Even though I just bastardized your wording

It's all good, lol